Green Beer Guy

I live in Cincinnati. Anyone that is familiar with Cincinnati knows the city isn’t exactly dating friendly. People tend to marry very young and marry their high school sweetheart. If you aren’t married by 23 people assume something is wrong with you and if you aren’t divorced by 26 then something is really wrong with you. Meeting people in this city is always a challenge. It’s a very tight knit city. We make friends in high school and even if we don’t like the people anymore… we remain friends. If someone asks you “Where did you go to school?” they mean “What high school did you attend?” Then… they judge you or ask if you know “so and so” that played football. I’ve had trouble meeting someone that I don’t have some sort of connection with… you know, six degrees of Kevin Bacon or as I like to say six degrees of catholic schools.

When a friend told me about a guy she worked with that I should meet… I was pretty excited. He wasn’t from Cincinnati. He didn’t attend a local Catholic high school. He was cute and funny. Before she had a chance to introduce us… he contacted me on Facebook. He was really sweet and cute. He seemed very interesting. He had a lot of unique hobbies. Best of all… he thought I was amazing! What girl doesn’t love being a supermodel in someone’s eyes?? We chatted via Facebook for a few days then he called me. We talked on the phone for hours and it seemed like minutes. I was pretty excited. We decided to grab a drink one night. I was really surprised when I finally met him in person. He was super cute and kinda quirky. We had a few drinks and I really liked him. We ended up hanging out again and had a great time. They next time we hung out was a “drinking holiday”. We met at my friends’ house for a few pre-game drinks then headed to the bar. Everything seemed great. My friends liked him… he was funny… could this really be possible? Had I found a normal guy that I actually liked? NO… it all went downhill from there! I should have never gotten my hopes up because they were quickly shattered. My cute, funny, quirky guy quickly turned into super sloppy drunk guy. I’m not sure how it happened. I had just as many drinks as him and I was fine. A few of my friends decided to go home… it was a week night. I wanted to stay. Drunk guy said he should probably leave with my friends. I agreed he should. He went home with my friends…. Bad idea. Once they got back to my friends’ house he became very ill. Earlier I mentioned it was a “drinking holiday”. We had consumed several colored beverages… mostly green. He projectile vomited all over my friends’ bathroom… but failed to mention that he vomited in the bathroom. He then went upstairs to their spare bedroom. He claims he couldn’t find the bathroom and vomited, again, on their white carpet. After all this… he denied it was him. Funny… because he was the only other person at the house besides my friends and their dog… I don’t think the dog was drinking green beer. They asked him to leave. He left… he didn’t offer to clean up his vomit…. He never had their carpets cleaned. What he did do was write a song for me. The next day he emailed it to me. It was a beautiful little tune… maybe when it becomes a #1 hit on the Billboards he will pay to have my friends’ carpet replaced.

Love.